Getting what we want in life seems to be a secret desire of 45 million people a month. Google confirms this on the popular searches and I can totally understand that people want to know how to get what they desire. Even though we try to appear selfless, our true desire is self-serving. It is only in a world of misdirected teachings that we think this is bad.
If you even try to give others what they want, it is only your perception and interpretation of what they want. Pleasing others and trying to understand them by thinking of them before you, will only cause more misunderstandings and at the end your cup is empty.
So go for it! Go after what you want in life. Spend your entire life dedicated to getting what you want. Just notice that when others around you are doing the same thing, and they are clear on that, you will come to an interface in the relationship of either matching or mismatching. Know why this occurs. Look at your values and make sure that your desires are from your values, not your addictions, ego and fears. Then stay true to your values, and understand other people have different values. Say goodbye if the mismatch is too great, or surrender to your own values of harmony and community, for as long as it serves you.
When my relationships are challenged by this dilemma, I always have a choice. I can either bully and manipulate others with an attitude of “my way or the highway” or I can go to one of my other values to find cooperation and compromise to get what I want in some way. There is a cause and effect to every action.
I may not have gotten the exact holiday location I wanted, but the result is my family is happier when I had to stretch further than just getting what I wanted, and expand to include the needs of these other VIPs in my life. It doesn’t mean that I sacrificed my wants and needs; I just explored them with a wider, more inclusive viewpoint after input from others. Then I included the needs of others and re-prioritized some other important personal values of family harmony, respect and contribution.
Never sacrifice your desires to others when they are based on your personal values and choose another personal value that serves you and everyone else when it is time. You’ll know the difference as you explore more about what it means to be a human being today.